Does this shit even still work. Antiquated garbage…
Does this shit even still work. Antiquated garbage…
Me: “Yeah just look at the weight and density of that burrito. Tomorrow you’ll be shitting all over the plane”
Danny to my wife: “Mal, I’m ready for your bang years again”
(Referring to her getting bangs in her hair)
Me: “Danny, are you eating Velveeta?”
Danny: “Ye”
Me: “Are you eating Velveeta slices on their own?”
Danny: “Ye”
Me: “Jesus Christ”
This thing’s looser than a fuckin whale vagina
John: “It’s like the auditory equivalent of feline AIDS”
Me: “Ya gotta go to a place where a guy’s got a piece strapped to his ankle. That’s how you know it’s legit”
You work at a God damn CVS. What do you think you’re some fuckin chemist?
This Blue Bonnet bitch is ratchet as fuck. Just look at her on that bottle…
I can taste my mouth smelling like shit
“It’s probably not about the penis” -Joe
“Yo. They look like they’re related or some shit… Oh wait, we’re watchinh Family Feud”
Danny: “How much would you need to be paid to fuck Michelle Obama”
John: “Well that goes back to the original question of how much would you need to be paid to suck a man’s dick”
She’s got an alien assed head, but she’ll do.
Me: “There’s no way she doesn’t wanna get banged on her desk”
*Jarred is a pseudonym so that motherfucker doesn’t get fired
Yo Danny, you take the blonde one. I’ll take stripes. But I have to check stripes’ ID first.
Danny: “yo. You get that on eBay?”
Joe: “nah. I got it off Amazon used to replace my old one I threw down the street when I couldn’t hang out with you guys.”
I’m gonna go wear this eye patch to the beach. Maybe the biddies’ll have some sympathy on me. I’ll be like hey sweetie, my eye is all messed up. Maybe she’ll have to hold my…
She was so pissed. Shes was all like… “I needed you there for tech assistance…”
And I was like… “You needed me there for drunken dick assistance…”
I’m drinking an unfiltered sake and it looks like the bartender shot a load in the glass…
In gonna go over there and rip my ass so hard right now
First you give me a raise, then you blow me, then I fuck your wife
Da moon!
It hurts but it sounds hot
Shiny dicks fuck on rugs
I’m going under the sheets so hard tonight!!
1. Stop Shit
2. Play kings
Stop thinking, start fucking.
I thought you were someone else. It’s the air out here. Dude. I’m trippin balls
John: “When I get to Dan’s, I’m drowning myself in his hot tub”
Joe: “Yeah, that’ll loosen ya right up”
“It’s imposssible to get fired there. Unless you touch a boy.”
John: “he’s a chivalrous man”
Joe: “what an asshole motherfucker”
I’m not interested in the internet histiry of an 11 year old slut.
Plenty of whales in the ocean for ya bro
Pote quosted successfully.
Danny: “How can you tell if a beer is a twist off or not.”
Joe: “When you drink as much as me, you just do”
Can we get a weather girl that’s not a house?
Where is this decrepit bitch?
John: “What are you doing this weekend?”
Joe: “Beer”
John (looking for a file that wasn’t there): “Mother fuck”
Joe: “Ballsack bitch”
“What the fuck is this limp dicked rocket doing up on the ceiling?”
Green bottles suck. The light gets in and sucks the beer’s dick
“I play with myself on my own server.”
Rio: Nice Hat…
Joe: You’re welcome.
Portfolioso: like how funny would a book be
Portfolioso: if [you’re reading a book and] see a 3 superscript [next to a sentence]
Portfolioso: go down
Portfolioso: and it’s just like
Portfolioso: “suck it”
“Splash your ass.” – Referencing a Killing Floor map with the context-name “-V8splash”
“My pants fall a lot”
“Dont blow ass on the toilet cause it doesn’t fuckin get you bitches!”
“Rio, get your black ass back in this weed pit” -Screamed over Ventrilo
“Holy shit! Look at this mother fuckin’ squirrel! Jawsus, that is one bad ass fuzzy motha fucker. That player got so much ass it completely dropped dead. Fuck! You ain’t never seen so many hos choking that jock ass throughout his pimp life. He’s all like stiff and shit like his pimp-assed dick. Sweet fuckballs, lightning came down and struck that foo dead. But fuck, look at that position this dude died in. He was like “look at these fuckin balls, son.” All those wimminz squiggz were munchin’ all over those big ballbags. This fucking squirrel is legend and you shits better pay respect”